Thanksgiving week had been different for us in the last few years. It’s a happy feeling as our
daughter turned 4 on TG Day but it also reminds us about the circumstances in which she was
born.
Four years back on TG morning my wife, Paramita who was 7 months pregnant with our
daughter got to know she was 75% blind on her left eye because of a brain tumor. The first
symptoms of blurry vision on left eye started 6 weeks ago. In 6 weeks, the tumor affected 75%
of her eye and if not treated quickly would spread to her right eye. I wouldn’t say we were
flying but probably cruising OK in our life and we fell on the ground and broke in pieces. She
was all alone in the hospital getting a steroid infusion when the eye doctor gave her the news.
She had MRI the night before. As it was Covid times luckily my sister-in-law, Amrita was with us.
If it was tough for the adults to process the news it was way tougher to break the news to our
6.5-year-old over TG dinner. All we knew that night was the doctors wanted to do an
emergency c-section and take the baby out and then decide on a date for the surgery. It was
risky to do traditional MRI without hurting the baby. Paramita needed to be admitted next
morning, and I was allowed to join her, but I wouldn’t be able commute back and forth due to
Covid restrictions. We didn’t know when we will be back home.
Three years ago, on a Black Friday morning we booked our first house and now we packed our
small bags and headed to the hospital not knowing what was in store for us. Luckily, we had
Amrita who would take care of Aadit at home. I still remember at least 20 doctors came to her
room that day and asked her the same questions. Paramita had to repeat herself every time. I
felt sick to the stomach after few times. I was amazed to see how strong, calm and composed
she was. Just saying that “I have lost 75% of eyesight on my left eye and I am 7 months
pregnant” is probably one of the toughest things to say about oneself.
What happened in the next few days was so fast I didn’t have time to process. As we were
speaking with different doctors she was getting the steroid shots to develop the baby’s lungs.
On Saturday afternoon Paramita had c-section and ‘Mimas’ was born. Aadit and Amrita had
found this name from a book Aadit was reading as a moon of Saturn, which also was ‘smallest
astronomical body having its own gravitational force’. Hardly did they know the name would be
so rightly chosen. On Sunday Paramita had MRI and CT scan. On Monday the doctors decided to
have a craniotomy on the left side to take out the tumor. On Tuesday she had to be transfused
2 units of blood and on Wednesday she had a 7-hour long surgery. Paramita was discharged 3
days after her brain surgery and we came back home leaving Mimas in NICU.
As it was during COVID we hardly saw Paramita after her brain surgery and the nurse would
Facetime me only once a day. Thanks to some kind hospital nurses in UCONN Health they made
some arrangements for me to stay in a room close to NICU. I was confined in the room and was
only allowed to go to NICU. After her surgery all I heard from the doctor was that it went well
and she will be in ICU. Almost 5 hours passed after her surgery before I got a facetime call from
the nurse. As Paramita’s family and friends called me, I had to do my best not showing my
emotion.
I picked up my daughter for the first time that night. Spending those nights with Paramita in ICU
and Mimas in NICU was one of the toughest phases of my life.
When Paramita came back home and her brain surgery dressing was removed, I saw there were
53 staples in her head. Sometimes I close my eyes I could see the picture and I still froze.
Recently, I had a small surgery and had 2 small holes in my knee. Now I know how much it hurts
when pain killers wean off. It felt like somebody was drilling into your knee. Paramita recovered
from both her surgeries only on Tylenol. She wasn’t given stronger and anti-inflammatory pain
medicines since she had a tumor. I was amazed back then and probably more now as I have
something to compare how she was able to bear so much pain.
I may be the only father who wanted his baby to be in NICU. I literally told the nurse during her
discharge from NICU if they could keep her a few more days as her mother was still recovering
from a brain surgery. Amrita took all the training from the nurse on how to take care of the
newborn. She gave her the first bath at the NICU. Mimas was matured than a 32-week baby
and was released from NICU after 2 weeks of her birth.
We were lucky to have Amrita take care of our son as a mother. Without her, I am not sure how
we would have managed.
As humans we always try to be in control of what’s happening. As we grow old, we try to
control what’s in our hand and try not to think about the factors that are not in our control.
Sometimes when you can’t control anything you feel vulnerable. Few weeks back when I was
getting operated on my knee, I was nervous whether I will be able to run again, play soccer with
my kids or help Mimas riding a bicycle in the summer. This is nothing compared to how I felt
when I left Paramita in the pre-op area and walked back.
Everyone says to be positive when things are bad. But it’s very rare that you actually stay calm
and composed when everything is at stake. When I walked into the hospital on Black Friday I
had only one thing in my mind – “I cannot break. If Paramita breaks, I need to fix it somehow. I
also prayed to God not to have a situation where I need to make any decision’. I was lucky that
Paramita was so strong I didn’t have to do much and Doctors took care of things and I didn’t
have to make any decision.
The only decision I took was that our daughter took her mom’s last name. She was named
Adwitiyaa Dhar at birth. We changed her name almost a year and half after her birth to
Adwitiyaa Dhar Tarafder. Aadit also changed his name to Aadit Dhar Tarafder from Aadit
Tarafder.
This is Wednesday after Thanksgiving and when I look back, we still don’t know why the tumor
happened and how we survived it. I was out of work for 3 months and Paramita was out of
work for 9 months but somehow, we managed. Aadit is growing into a young adult who loves
soccer and running and Adwitiyaa is following her brother’s footsteps.
It is not fun when a hospital makes a story about and publishes in their site. Here is a link to
this: https://youtu.be/FhGhYntvxTA?si=YxEdjb5Pb_j_t79s
Anirban Tarafder Personal Blog 